Control
by boys.in.books.are.just.better
Summary: AU. Bella needs to get away from her oppressive family. She tries to start a new life in a big city and meets Edward, a mysterious musician, who will become her life. Edward/Bella. A bit angsty but romantic. M for adult themes.
1. Prologue

**This is the beginning of a story that's been in my head for a while. AU, obviously, a bit angsty too -at least the prologue. But it'll get less depressed, I promise! But what I really hope for is your comments. I have never ever written fanfiction in my life, so every possible feedback is welcome. Is this too cliché? Repetative? Is the grammar appalling? Text doesn't flow? Too angsty? Or maybe interesting? Want to read more? I really, really need your opinions on this! Thank you :)**

**Disclaimer: **Bella and Edward and all the other characters from the Twilight saga are sadly not mine, but Stephanie Meyers's

**Prologue: Control**

It was Friday. I had the money, I had the plan, I was ready to go. I walked the halls of my school like a ghost, like I was already gone and saw all this in a dream. My mind began to wander...

_I've heard people complaining they've lost the control of their lives. I couldn't imagine what it felt like. I had never gained that control. Sure, my life was perfect. I was an excellent student, my family was well off, I lived in a beautiful house in a nice neighbourhood and I had everything a girl could dream of. At least that's what it looked like from the outside and I guess from my parents' point of view too. I was the only one who doubted my happiness._

_I've never had a lot of friends. Somehow I didn't mix well with people. I think I made them feel awkward somehow, or maybe I just felt awkward around others. It was like my mind worked in ways that were completely mysterious to every single person I met. I had some friends I ate lunch with but I rarely spent time with them outside the school. I think a part of it was that the small town I lived in was obsessed with sports. Everyone played something and enjoyed watching games and discussing the latest play-offs of whatever sport was in season. I never had the hand-eye coordination needed for most of the sports and I was so clumsy it wasn't even safe for me to try to play anything. I think my parents were kind of disappointed in me on that aspect but they waved it off with "I detest sports! Such barbaric behaviour. I'm glad my dear Isabella doesn't enjoy that kind of uncivilized beviour". So I didn't know anything about sports and hence had little to talk about with kids my age. Add to that a complete lack of interest in fashion and trends and you get the recipe for the freak that was me. I didn't long for their company but still I felt lonely sometimes, empty. Like something was missing from my life. I tried to fill my loneliness with studying and reading and music - usually it helped. Whenever I managed to smuggle a fiction novel to my room, I could lie on my bed for hours, lost in worlds that had nothing to do with the reality I lived in._

_The constat ache inside me didn't belong to the fairytale story my parents believed to be my life. Every time I tried to tell someone about the emptiness and asphyxiation I felt they just answered "But your life if so perfect! How can you complain?". And so I couldn't - even that was taken away from me. I could only do the things I was supposed to do. Live my perfect life according to the perfect plans my parents had made I believe years before I was even born. It's not that they didn't love me. I'm sure they did. But they loved the pretty picture even more. I think I was thirteen when I first realized this. At thirteen I hurt myself on purpose for the first time. Somehow the blade in my hand and the dripping blood gave me the sense of control I couldn't get from anywhere else. It was my silent rebellion, my manifesto to the world I hated but had to live in. By the time I was seventeen I had some quite spectacular scars. All of course in places that could easily be hidden. Mostly stomach and thighs, some on my arms too. My parents didn't notice any of this, or at least didn't want to notice. It didn't fit their pretty picture so it must not exist._

_I had to get away, that was for sure. The questions "where" "how" and "when" still needed answers, though. I'd decided it must be a big city, since it would be easier to live anonymously in the midst of hundreds of thousands or even millions of people than it wouls be in the few thousands of small towns. There would probably be more jobs available too. Hopefully. My biggest problem however was I didn't have any money. Well sure, my parents were loaded, but the only access to that was a credit card my dad had given me. To his account. I didn't have my own money, I didn't have cash. If I wanted to keep my parents away from me long enough for me to turn 21 (that's when I'd gain access to the funds my grandad's will assigned to me and I'd also be legal adult) I couldn't use credit cards, at least not dad's. I'd started to think about ways to get money and unfortunately the only way seemed to be stealing it. The bright side of this desicion was that I lived in a house that had more expensive crap around than my parents ever could remember owning so I wouldn't have to break in anywhere. And then there was of course my jewellery but I was somewhat hesitant to sell it since most of them were rare or otherwise trackable._

_It took months to sell enough little things around the house without my parents noticing. I had to do it very carefully. First I'd move the target object around so that they'd forget completely where it was supposed to be, also moving it to places more and more distant from their normal routes, and then, finally I could sneak out with it and hide it to my locker at school. Fortunately I had to attend "A Course for Young Ladies" at the nearby town that was bigger than ours. It was my excuse to go out of town and sell the bits and pieces I'd stolen. Of course I had to ditch the course, but I wasn't too unhappy about it. Learning etiquette and how to introduce yourself to a queen weren't high on my list of priorities, not now, not ever. Of course dad's chauffeur took me there and back but he never noticed when I sneaked out from the back door of the building the course was held. I just had to be careful to get back on time._

_So now I had the money. I had enough for a plane ticket to somewhere far away and money for two or three months of living there. I'd have to get a job somehow, and that wasn't going to be easy since I had no legal papers, visas or anything, let alone work experience. I hoped I'd find something. Anything._

_I'd decided the best time to take my leave would be friday evening. My parents always attended some frivolous parties and slept late the next morning. I would be well on my way before they'd notice I was gone at all._

It was Friday. I had the money, I had the plan, I was ready to go. I walked the halls of my school like a ghost, like I was already gone and saw all this in a dream. My franctic thoughts ran around in circles too fast for me to catch up with any of them. Like a zombie I sat through lunch but no one noticed. Sometimes it was useful to have a reputation as a freak. After lunch it was only two hours of Science and I'd be free to go. Free to leave this place for ever. I didn't actually hate the school, only what it represented; my old life. I liked some of the teachers, and all of them were very good at their job. I got a fine education here. But I would never graduate High School. I would have liked to see the looks on my parents' faces when they realized their one and only daughter, the apple of their eye, wasn't going to be the super-doctor they always pictured. They might just have a stroke. I suddenly got an almost sinful urge to laugh. All these thoughts made my heart beat like it tried to get out of my chest. I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was finally taking over the control of my life. No longer had my parents a say on anything. Overwhelming and mindblowing just began to describe how I felt. I was downright triumphant! I hadn't hurt myself for ages, not since I first made the plan to get away. I was going to make it. I would have to make it. I _will_ make it.


	2. Chapter 1: New York, New York

**Okay, here goes the first chapter. Hope you like it!**

**The song used in this chapter is Vermillion pt2 by Slipknot  
**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the Twilight characters!

Chapter 1: New York, New York

I threw my bag under the questionably clean bed and crashed my stomach on its lumpy mattress. Ugh. The pillow smelled like feet. I turned on my back and stared at the bottom of the top bunk. It was full of scribbles from the previous visitors of the shabby little hostel I was in. "New York 4eva!!" had someone written inside a heart. I sneered. For me it really would be New York forever – or at least until my parent's couldn't force me into anything anymore. I sighed and started to write a mental "to do" list. First: find an appartment. Second: Get a job. My stomach rumpled. Okay, make the first on the list to be food. I got up and grabbed my bag under the bed. This place certainly didn't look like one where you could leave your stuff unattended. I listened to the sounds of people sleeping. Some snored, one coughed so nastily I was sure she'd wake up. She didnt. I stepped out of my depressing room I shared with five other people and started to wander around the hostel.

The man at the lobby had promised there was a free internet access available in the common room. That was the main reason why I chose this particular hostel from all the other ones available. That and the cheap price. There had been piles of brocures of different hostels at the airport. They all advertised how they were so close to this and that tourist attraction or sight. I didn't care about those. All I wanted was a place to sleep in until I found a place of my own. I found the common room at the end of the hall and lucky for me the ancient looking computer in the corner was available. The only other person in the room was a somehow European looking boy on the sofa. He read a novel and startled when I greeted him. He didn't answer, though, only dug in deeper in the sofa and lifted the book to cover his face. I shrugged and went to the computer. I guess everyone up at this hour were more or less weird, including me. It was 3:34 according to the computer but I couldn't even think of sleeping – I was way too anxious for that. By now my parents were sure to miss me. They would have called the police and FBI and whoever else they could get to listen to them. I clicked the web browser open and started to look for appartmets in New York city. My stomach rumpled again, louder this time. Damned, I would have to get something to eat soon.

None of the appartments I found online were what I was looking for. Maybe I'd look again and more carefully tomorrow. Now I needed something to fill my stomach with. I wasn't hungry and I didn't feel like eating at all. Actually the thought of putting something in my mouth was a little nauseating but my rumpling stomach reminded me again of my physical needs. Well at least I was in a city that never slept so I would probably find something to eat pretty easily. It was another story alltogether would I do that without getting raped or robbed or both but I decided to risk it anyway.

I stepped out of the door and looked around. I started to walk towards a street that seemed to have more traffic than the one I was on. It should lead me somewhere I could buy something to eat. At this point my stomach was actually hurting. I couldn't say if it was due to the stress and anxiety I felt, or only hunger. I saw familiar double arches of McDonald's a few blocks ahead and decided a hamburger would do. I ate a BigMac with fries without thinking about it too much. My mind was occupied with thoughts about my future. I don't know how long I sat there with an empty tray in front of me staring into emptyness. Suddenly a sound found it's way through to my consciousness. I lifted my head and tried to locate the source of it. Someone was singing. I stood up forgetting my tray on the table and walked out on the street. A little to my left on a street corner two people were playing guitar and the other one was singing with the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard. It was somehow velvety but still smooth as silk as it enclosed me in it's unbeliveable softness and beauty.

I felt like I was in a trance or like someone had bewitched me – and maybe that was the case since I couldn't help but walk towards the players. Now I could see them more clearly. The singer was the most amazingly stunning creature earth could ever hold. He had reddish brown hair that I instantly wanted to touch. It was messy in a way hairgel model's hair is messy and it fell on his forehead when he looked down while he played. No, actually he didn't look down I corrected myself. His eyes were closed as he let himself drown in the music he played. It took me a long while before I could form a coherent thought. I just stared at his hands dancing with the chords of the guitar and listened the wonder that was his voice. I had to shake my head to clear my thoughts. Get a grip Bella! Like I hadn't seen beautiful people before! Well, actually never anyone this beautifl but still. I didn't want to be one of those girls who stared all gooey-eyed and drooling every good-looking male they saw. I teared my eyes off him and turned them to the one he was playing with. My heart sank. Well of course he couldn't be single – wait, why should that bother me? The girl who played the other guitar was nearly as perfect as him. She had short and spiky black hair, pale skin and golden brown eyes. Now that I paid attention to it I noticed they both were very pale. She was very petite and her features were very graceful. She looked almost like a porcelain doll. Well it figured. Beautiful people always went out with other beautiful people. We dull ones had to make-do with what was left. But I had to admit that me dating the flawlessly lovely being that was in front of me would look absolutely ridiculous and just wrong. And why did I keep imagining me dating him anyway? He was taken and even if he wasn't... yes, ridiculous. I should have walked back to my hostel but I couldn't leave in the middle of the song so I just stood there looking like an idiot no doubt. But I wasn't the only one. Other passers-by had stopped to listen them too. Obviously I wasn't the only one who was affected by their music.

_The unrequited dream  
A song that no one sings  
The unattainable, She's a myth that I have to believe in  
All I need to make it real is one more reason _

He sang with such a feeling I thought my heart would burst for just listening to it. Such sadness in his voice. The girl accompanied his voice in the chorus but mostly she just played. Her head got up suddenly and her eyes looked around almost like looking for someone while she played. Then her eyes met mine. She stared at me with an intencity that scared me. Notwithstanding I was unable to turn me gaze. I just kept staring at her hypnotizing golden irises. The look on her face was weirdly incredulous but after a moment it oddly enough turned into the warmest smile I've seen. I couldn't react in any way – I just continued to stare at her. She chuckled quietly to herself and turned her eyes to her quitar letting my eyes go.

I had to take a moment to collect myself. What the hell was that? What had she seen in me that made her smile? And what was with the stare anyway? I shook my head and continued to listen to the song that was coming to an end. People applauded and threw money on the guitar case that was on the ground. The gorgeous singer seemed to snap out of his musical trance and looked at the people around him. I noticed his eyes were the same gold than hers. Again I couldn't help but stare his godlike features. The earlier downcast face was now lit by the streetlights and I suddenly had trouble breathing. Grip. Get one Bella. Get. A. Grip. Now! Breathe in. And out. Okay, grip achieved. What was it with this boy that made me lose control like this? Small breeze threw my hair to my face and ruined my eye contact with the players. Annoyed I flipped it out of the way just to realize that the golden eyed perfection was staring at me just like the girl earlier. But his face was far from amused – it was almost hostile, horrified. Abruptly he stood up, took his guitar and started walking away very fast. Most of their listeners had left but the few left looked surprised. The girl watched after him, collected the money from the guitar case and put her guitar in it. Then something unbelievable happened. She walked towards me and held out her hand.

"Hi! I'm Alice. What's your name?"

For a moment I could only stare. Somehow her presence was just too much, like some otherworldly creature or god was standing in front of me. After a moment I realized I was supposed to react in some way to her approach.

"Bella. I'm Bella. Hi," I stuttered.

She smiled her amazing smile again and it lit up her whole face. Hell, it lit up the whole street.

"Did you like our music?" she asked

"Y-yes. Yes. Very much. It was very... moving"

"It looked like it," she said and looked at me with those curious eyes. "Where do you live?" she asked next – a bit invasively in my opinion. But I couldn't not answer. Something in her face told me she didn't mean any harm, it was just who she was.

"Actually I don't live anywhere yet," I explained her. "I just came to town, I live in a hostel for now until I find a place of my own."

"Well I hope you'll find something soon," Alice wished me. "You should check out the place in Pattinson Boulevard. I think the number was 86. It's been without a tenant for a while now. A friend of mine owns it. Check it out if it's still free! But I have to go find my brother now. Bye!"

She was gone before I could utter a word or even realize what she had said to me. I just stood there for a moment, stunned. Then I turned around and headed back to my hostel. It was almost five in the morning and the city around me was starting to wake up. I didn't see any of it though, I could only think of the mysterious night-time players and their strangely strong influence on me. Brother, had she said. This made me happy at first but then I got angry at myself for being such a fool. He obviously was way out of my league and for some reason I had a feeling he didn't like me. I wondered why was that? Was I too ordinary for his beautiful world, or was it that I stared, or... Gah! Where was that grip when I most needed it?!

I got to the hotel, brushed my teeth and went to bed. Alice had been really nice. I hoped I'd see her again. I would have to keep an eye on that street corner. Maybe it was their usual spot. Though I wouldn't know what time of the day they'd be there. They seemed odd enough to play whenever they pleased - even the small hours of the morning. I started to slumber, sleep would come soon. The last coherent thought before the dreamworld got to me was "Pattinson Boulevard. Tomorrow."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

**That's it folks! Did you like it? Please review!**

**And if someone is willing to be my beta, let me know!**


	3. Chapter 2: A Very Suspicious Day

Chapter 2, A very suspicious day

I didn't sleep well at all and in the morning (a very late morning for me) I wasn't the cheeriest of people. I woke up when a girl who slept in the bunk next to me decided to start the day with a phone call to her boyfriend. I got almost nauseated listening to her mushy descriptions of all the ways she loved him. Fighting the urge to take the phone from her hand, smash it to the floor and tell her he was probably screwing someone else while she was gone, I got up even though I wasn't quite awake yet.

I slouched to the shower and almost tripped over the mat in the hallway on my way there. Typical behaviour for me but for some reason it irritated me more than usual. The shower was miraculously unoccupied and I got under the hot water and rested my head to the ugly yellow tiles on the wall. I let the hot water relax my tense muscles as I was trying to figure out if I had any plans for today. Suddenly I remembered what had happened on my late night/early morning stroll and yanked my head up maybe a bit faster than I should have. I lost my balance and my butt hit the shower floor. Ouch. But I didn't worry about the pain because all I could think of now was the strange interaction I had had with the guitar-girl, Alice. Did I really meet her? I have always had very vivid dreams, maybe I only imagined her and the wonderous creature she said was her brother... No that could't be it, I could never imagine anything so perfect than the two of them. Especially him... With the hair that screamed for someone to smooth it, with the pale skin I wanted to touch so bad, with the eyes...

"WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING YOU SO LONG?! Get out of the shower, there are other people here too you moron!!". I woke from my daydreams with a jump. I was in the shower. At the hostel. Other people. Yes, okay, fast. I shampooed my hair quickly letting my hands do the familiar job and allowing my mind focus on more important things. As I dried myself with my small towel, put on my clothes and got out of the bathroom I thought about what Alice had said. An appartment for rent. Maybe. She wasn't sure. But it couldn't hurt to check it out... Why had she told me about it? Me of all people? Maybe she was just friendly. Towards a stranger? Well, she had seemed a bit odd... But I had this feeling in my gut I could trust her, and it wouldn't hurt to check the place out, would it? So, off to the internet to find Pattinson Boulevard 86.

Next thing I knew I was standing in front of a seriously impressive building. If it didn't have the number 86 above the door (with fancy golden numbers) I would have thought this was the wrong place. No way in hell did this building have rooms for rent, or even if it did, not for people with my finances. Maybe Alice had got it wrong... maybe it was some other building, she wasn't sure about the number... I glanced around but all the other buildings seemed to be just as fancy as the first one. Then I noticed a small note on the door of the 86: "Room for rent" it said in big black letters. I walked closer to read the finer print underneath to find out if I could even in my dreams afford the rent.

However, before I got close enough to read the text the doorman walked towards me with a smile on his face. "Good morning miss! May I help you?". Startled I just stared at him for a while. Finally I managed to form some words for the expecting man. "I was just... I heard... I mean". Hell, this wasn't going anywhere. Get a grip, Bella! I took a deep breath. "I was wondering if there was a room for rent in this building. I heard someone mention something like it, and I was just coming closer to read the note there" I pointed the white sheet of paper. "Indeed there is a room for rent, miss", said the helpful doorman. "Would you like me to show you inside, I think the sir who owns the appartment is at home just now". I wasn't sure how to phrase my thoughts "Umm... I'm not sure if... I mean, I don't have that much money..." I blushed and stared at the tips of my shoes but the doorman interrupted me cheerily "I'm quite sure miss will be pleased with the appartment and the rent is very reasonable". I thought for a moment. Desicions. I had to learn to make them myself. Up until I ran away all the desicions had been made for me and suddenly now my life was in my own hands. The doorman looked at me still smiling while I pondered. Somehow the reality of my situation had suddenly hit me, and I had a feeling that my life would change if I'd step through that door. But change was what I wanted, wasn't it? "Okay, show me in, please".

We took the elevator up to the second highest floor. My terror of high places made me hope that there was something wrong with the appartment or that the price would be too high for me. Even thinking about the view from the windows made me dizzy. There was only two doors in the elegant hallway, and the doorman Ben (he had told me his name in the elevator) knocked on the one with a golden "A" on it. After a surprisingly short while the door opened and instantly I knew I was in the right place. Or at least I was in the place Alice had told me about. The man who opened the door was probably in his thirties, handsome, blond and pale. He had the same look of otherwordly beauty about him than Alice and her brother had had. Same kind of radiant smile hit me from his face as his soft, almost honey-like voice greeted us "Good morning Ben! I must have been a good boy for you to bring beautiful young ladies to meet me". They both chuckled. "This is miss Bella Swan (I had told him my name in the elevator, too). She is interested about the room you have available", Ben said.

"Lovely to meet you Bella", the man shook my hand and I noticed the coldness of his skin, somehow expected as his hands were almost ice-white. "My name is Carlile Cullen, hopefully your soon-to-be-landlord. Would you like to see the room in question?". All seemed to happen way too fast and everyone was so wierdly nice. Weren't newyorkers supposed to be rude? Before I knew it I was taken to the other door in the hallway, that had a golden "B" on it. "Here, let me show you in", Carlile said. I suddenly realized Ben had gone and I was all alone with this intimidatingly handsome man. "Sure", was all I could say. I'm sure he had got a very intelligent first impression of me; looks amazed all the time, doesn't speak. Great... okay, I sould concentrate on the appartment now.

I looked around me, we were in a little hall that opened up via an arch door to a well-lit and spacious room. Big windows, just as I had thought. Crap. The room had two doors, one to the bathroom with beautiful bathtub and shower, and the other one to a large kitchen area. "Why is the kitchen so huge?" I blurted out as the first thing that came to my mind. I was surprised when Carlile looked at me apologeticly and said "This is the downside of the appartment, the only one I hope. You would have to share a kitchen with me and my family. But don't worry!", he interrupted me before I could even say anything, "You'd have your own fridge and own cupboards and free use of our dishwasher." I could live with that, I thought. "That's okay. The room was really nice... hardwood floors and all... and the bathroom was a thing of beauty! I'm only afraid the rent is way out of my league..." I hesitated. I was sure now that the family Cullen must be filthy rich. If Alice and her brother were related to Carlile, I have no idea why they'd have to play on the streets, if not for fun. Carlile smiled at me again and said "We like to offer this place at a very affordable price because we know there's a lot of young people with limited funds in the city looking for a place to live". Then he said the monthly fee. I just stared at him for a moment. "Excuse me?", I asked. Carlile laughed. "I know it sounds too good to be true, but we only charge what it costs us to keep this place up. Warm water and so on. That's how we can keep the rent reasonable". It was reasonable allright. It was downright unbeliveable.

Half an hour later I stood alone in the middle of my new appartment. I was still amazed at how quickly and easily it had all happened. I sat down on the floor, far away from the windows, and tried to collect my thoughts. Was finding an appartment supposed to be this easy? And this cheap?? Somehow all the niceness and easiness made me uneasy, like there was a catch I didn't see, or like I had walked in a trap that just hadn't went off yet. I thought of Alice and our weird meeting last night. What was her part in all this? Did she live here too? Did _her brother_ live here? And again and again my mind kept thinking there was something wrong about all this. Well, maybe not wrong but... suspicious. Yes, something highly suspicious.


	4. Chapter 3: Save Me

**Disclaimer: Any of the characters aren't mine, the story is.**

**This chapter is a bit darker, prepare yourselves... it also has both Bella's and Edward's POV**

Chapter 3, Save me

BPOV:

Once again I opened my eyes to a grey morning and wished that I hadn't. I really wasn't a morning person to start with and on top of that my old depression had somehow started to creep back. I turned on my back and stared at the ceiling. I had been a tenant for the Cullen family for five weeks and things hadn't gone the way I had planned. For five weeks I had been looking for a job, but no one wanted to take me because I had no experience, no education except some high school and then there was of course the fact that I wasn't the most sociable person. Someone with more social skills could have talked themselves into any job, but when I was told "no" I just turned around and left. Now I was running out of money. I had already sold every piece of jewellery of mine that I dared – some of the pieces were too recognizeable and I really didn't want my parents to find me just yet. But the fact was that I was getting desperate. Although my rent was cheap it was about the only thing in this city that was. My estimation I had done back home about the amount of money I would need to live on my own was way off. I had bought a mattress and some mismatched dishes from a recycling center. Bedding and sheets I had bought new because sleeping in someone's old sheets wasn't my idea of being hygienic. On top of all that I found out one needs a surprisingly huge amount of little things just to satisfy the basic needs. And of course there was my biggest pain in the ass: food. Eating had become something I hated nowadays because I could only afford cheap things like noodels and stuff, and after five weeks I was sick and tired of every flavor of noodel there was.

I hadn't seen the Cullens much. They didn't even make any noise, sometimes I wondered if anyone actually lived there. The only way I could tell anyone lived at the appartment was that the flower arragement on the kitchen counter changed almost every day. I didn't hear them making dinner or lunch or anything but every day there were dirty dishes in the diswasher when I added my own sad plate there. I had found out that Alice and her brother indeed were related to Carlile, they were his children. He didn't seem old enough to have children but I guess he was well preserved. Or maybe he had used his money to some cosmetic surgery. His wife Esme was lovely. She had introduced herself to me one day in the kitchen when I was just finishing my noodels. I was sitting on a tall bar stool and eating on the counter. They had a lovely antique dining set in the dining room next to kitchen but somehow it didn't feel right to eat noodels from a chipped bowl and sit on a chair that had cost more than my monthly rent. And I could tell, because my parents owned some very expensive furniture too. The Cullens didn't act anything like my parents, though. They were the nicest people, not at all like all the other rich people I've met, and believe me, I've met loads. For example after Esme had introduced herself she continued to talk with me for a while and told me I could use their washing machine for my clothes and that I was welcome to ask if I needed help in anything at all. Then she stroked my hair in a very motherly fashion and left. Before I could collect my thoughts enough to actually finish my meal and go back to my room Alice bounced in and sat on a bar stool next to me.

"Hi!", she smiled at me. "I'm glad you got the appartment".

"And you weren't sure if it was taken and if the number was 86", I asked with a amused experssion on my face.

"Well, I thought you'd find it weird if I just told you to move in with us"

"That's true", I said my face serious again "though I still don't understand why did you came to talk to me and asked where I lived. I mean, I'm grateful of course! But still, I'm sure there'd be hundreds of people interested in this appartment. You couldn't have trouble finding a tenant." I was hoping to get answers to the questions that had been bothering me for a while now.

"Oh well, the whole renting a room was my idea and so dad made it my business to find a tenant", she explained cheerfully. "Instead of doing it the traditional way I decided I'd offer it to someone who'd really need it and looked nice".

"How did you know I was in need of an appartment?" I asked a bit confused. I hadn't looked homeless or anything... I think.

"Oh, you just looked nice and I hoped!", she laughed.

That sounded a bit too easy for me and I didn't know if I could believe her. "It looked like you somehow suddenly were looking for someone while you played", I tried to ask for more information.

"I just remembered that I should look for a tenant while we played. It's a habit of mine, to look for a tenant while out", she said. "Of course now I'll have to stop doing that!" She smiled.

Somehow all this seemed too easy for me but I decided to let it go for now. If there was more to this than what she told me I'd find it out one way or another. Maybe she'd learn to trust me with time and tell me what it really was about. "Does your brother live here too? I mean, I haven't seen him around at all. Though he didn't seem to like me..." I changed the subject to another thing that had been bothering me.

"Yes, Edward lives here too, but he likes to keep to himself. He's such a bookworm!", Alice said. "Don't worry about him, he'll show up when he gets used to the idea that we have a tenant"

"Oh. Okay. I just... Why did he leave so fast back then? He looked at me with a furious look in his eyes like he hated me and then he … ran."

"As I said, don't worry about Edward", Alice said soothingly. "He doesn't hate you or anything! He does have an intense look in his eyes but I'm sure you just overreacted about the hating part. How could he hate you when you two have never met?"

That's what was bothering me too "I don't know but why did he run, then?"

"Too many people I guess, he doesn't like crowds", Alice said quickly. " But I'm sure happy you decided to come and see this place! We will be great friends!!", she chirped and hugged me.

I noticed her change of subject but decided to let it go. There was something about this Edward that I wanted to figure out... If only I'd see him again I could confront him. Though I have no idea if I would be able to say anything at all or if I'd be the idiotic staring, drooling mute I'd been when I last saw him. Just thinking about his perfectly angelic face and the hair that I wanted to run my fingers through made little butterflies flutter inside me. Gah!

I shook my head and returned to my bleak reality. I had placed my mattress in an alcove the room had because it seemed to be designed as a sleeping area. The alcove had space just about enough for a double bed and had no windows. The actual living area of the room had huge windows on two walls that still terrified me a bit since the building was so tall. Esme had told me that the family owned the building and their appartment consisted of the three top floors excluding my room of course. She told me my room had originally been designed as a maid's or nanny's room but they had no need for either so they decided to offer the place for a rent. In my mind I thought the room was probably too small to be anyone's room and that's why they decided to rent it out. It was roomy enough for me, though, especially since at the moment I had no other furnisings than the mattress. Looking at my empty room made me think about my difficult situation. I was almost out of ideas. I had searched for everywhere but I couldn't find a job. I didn't have any money left, only about 30$ and that wouldn't get me far and it definitely wouldn't be enough for next months rent. Returning to my parents wasn't an option but I really didn't know what to do. Anxiety started to grow inside me. What had I gotten myself into? I felt my life falling apart around me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know! Anxiety and distress made it hard to breath. I felt I was falling uncontrollably in a black hole. I had to find a way out, I had to gain control again. In the end I resorted to the only way that I knew would help, and finally with a knife in my hand and my blood flowing free I knew what I had to do to survive. It was the last option for me, for anyone, but it had come down to that. I had no choise. I used the last of my money to buy a really old and cheap cellphone, a stack of paper and a marker. When I was done, I sat down and waited for the phone to ring. And irrevocably ring it did.

o – o – o – o – o – o – o – o

I loathed myself. It had been ten nights since I came up with my plan, and on ten nights the phone had rang. Men were calling me to buy the only thing I had left to sell; myself. And so I lost my virginity on my sad old mattress in my sad empty appartment to a sad middle-aged asian man who smelled like garlic. After that I didn't want to remember anything about them. You couldn't help remembering your first time, but after that they were just nameless, faceless men who gave me money and violated my body. I tried to detach myself from my body while they were doing what they wanted with me, but every evening after the last one had left I washed myself endlessly in the shower and cried. I also had to continue with the cutting to maintain my ability to function. It brought my price down but I couldn't help it.

The evening came as it always comes and the phone rang again, but I couldn't answer. I let it rang and stared into the void. I loathed what I had become, I felt deep shame and embarrasement, I felt empty. Tears fell down my cheeks but I didn't notice them. Slowly I stood up, blank-eyed, and went to get my knife from the kitchen. It was in it's familiar place but this time it was going to go deeper than ever. This time was going to be the last time...

EPOV:

Having an overactive sister is a pain in the ass sometimes. Alice had been brooding over something the whole day until she decided to distract herself from her gloomy thoughts that she blocked from me by redecorating the whole freaking house! Well, not the whole house, but she wanted to "retouch", as she put it, all of our bedrooms, which practically was the whole upstairs and downstairs. It only left the middle floor as a semi-quiet area, and since Jasper was playing a noisy videogame in the livingroom and Alice was running up and down the stairs the only place I could read in peace was the dining room. It was a lot closer to the new tenant that I was comfortable with. She irritated me. Actually, Alice irritated me, because it was her stupid idea to take a tenant and her stubborn insistance that it must be just her and only her. Alice knew what her scent did to me. Only thinking about it made venom flow in my mouth. Her blood called to me like a sinful siren and I wanted to answer that call so bad. It was only Esme's pleads that kept me from moving out after I found out who was going to be living in that room. I had no idea why Alice wanted to see me suffer but I was determined not to irritate her in any way or she'd come up with something even worse. If that's even possible.

I was distracted from my book and thoughts when the door in the kitchen opened. I cursed under my breath, of course she was going to emerge now that I was here! But she didn't seem to notice me, she only went to her drawer, got a knife out and went back. That was weird. Did I smell salt? Had she been crying? I stood up and walked silently to the door and listened. She went to her bathroom and blew her nose. I heard something unmistakeable; a blade tearing flesh. Before I could think what that meant the smell hit me. The intoxicating perfume of her blood called to me, commanded me, and I was it's slave. I rushed through the door to her bathroom, grabbed her arm that was flowing the purest of bloods and my mouth filled with venom. For a little moment I just stared at the beautiful sight in front of me and then I bent down to suck. My lips were half an inch away from the nectarine of angels when I was stopped by a sound that broke through my blood red haze. "Edward?". For a while I could only stare at the blood in front of me as the reality sank in; I almost slipped. I almost drank human blood. I almost betrayed Carlile's trust in me. Horror and shame sank deep in side me until I heard the sound again. "Umm... Edward? Are you allright?". She was talking to me. Slowly I turned my head and stared at her deep and sad chocolatey eyes. Then my brains started to work properly and I really realized what was going on. She was in the bathroom. Cutting her wrists open. I couldn't hear anything from her, wasn't she thinking anything? I shook myself out of my thoughts and sprang into action. I grabbed some toilet parper and pressed it hard on the deep cut on her wrist. She tried to stop me but I didn't listen to her. I had to get out of here but I couldn't let her die. "Carlile, get in here right now!" I said loudly. She looked at me bewildered and I noticed her hair had exact the same shade of chocolate than her eyes. And then Carlile got there. He took a second to read the situation, I pushed the girl's wrist in Carlile's hands making her stand up and stumble. I didn't care, as soon as Carlile had her I ran away. Alice was by the door looking terrified. "Did you see this coming? Did you see this coming and didn't tell me??!", I yelled at her but didn't stay to listen the answer. I ran down the stairs all the way to the ground floor. I had to run, I couldn't wait for the elevator. And this was faster anyway. I forced myself to walk normal speed, nodded to Ben and went one more floor down to our garage. I jumped in my silver volvo and drove away as fast as I could.

o– o – o – o – o – o – o – o -

That's it this time folks! Please read and review, I'd love to hear what you think!!


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